THE LOVE LIFE OF THE BALINESE

Romanticism only flourishes where traditional barriers for the free and natural relations between men and women are strongest. Consequently the practical and unrestrained Balinese in love does not idolize the woman he desires, but goes directly to the point. If he feels strongly attracted by a girl, he does not pretend a platonic interest and must culminate his desire by sleeping with her.

A direct solicitation constitutes his declaration of love: " Do you want? (Kayun? Nyak?) ." The only words in Balinese for " love," kayun, suka, deman, nyak, all mean " desire," " to like," and " to want," while stronger terms like Hut and tresna have a certain illegal connotation, as in adultery (mamitra) . Without a word in their vocabulary for the abstract idea of romantic love, the Balinese does not develop a morbid unhappiness when failing in love. A man who is refused by a girl may be unhappy for a while even as among us, but soon he will forget her and fall in love with a less recalcitrant girl.

Should the man be accepted, the affair may be developed into attachment that will in most cases lead to marriage. It is not infrequent that the couple may live together - gendak - before marriage, although not exactly in sin, since gendak is permitted as a sort of a trial marriage, not yet made legal in public and before the gods. Often in a prearranged marriage the couple is allowed gendak, and there are regulations that protect the woman against desertion and that make children born in the gendak period legal.

Even among the more puritanical Bali Agas gendak appears in the traditional village law, as in the following excerpt from the law of the village of Lumbuan in the Bangli mountains:

". . . the desa orders a man accused of intimacy with a woman to take her as wife, making the offerings and ceremonies mentioned above. Should the man refuse to marry her, he has to pay the penyeheb (a roast pig) and tumbakan (a cow), while the woman will pay only the tumbakan to clear her impurity and the pollution of the village (sebel). Should there result a child, it belongs to the woman. If it is not known who the man was, the woman is responsible and must provide the penyeheb and tumbakan within an allotted time."

(Bawanagara, T. 11 No. 8/9, 1933.)

This attitude must not be interpreted as one of promiscuity; the Balinese like to marry young, and a man after love has usually marriage in view. However, a girl is not too easily persuaded and puts off her suitors, often too long, and the boy is either bored and leaves her or is obliged to use stronger methods.

Shy people who are after success in love may employ the services of professional matchmakers (tjeti) or those of a magician to make a reluctant girl yield. To appear beautiful in the eyes of a desired person certain amulets are employed,. most often ancient Javanese bronze disks with a bole in the centre like Chinese coins, which are carried on the belt.

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